After a casual stroll down the rows of Stamp Student Union’s Hoff Theater, a short introduction and a smack to turn on the microphone, there is one thing Assi Azar first wants to let us know: “I really hate my voice.”
On Nov. 3, the openly gay Israeli television personality visited the University of Maryland to talk about his experience coming to terms with his sexuality, discuss Israeli politics and ultimately shed some light on problems the LGBT community faces.
Azar, 36, is best known in Israel for hosting the Israeli version of Big Brother, along with other television programs.
He is also the second Israeli celebrity to come out as a gay man, and was noted by OUT Magazine as one of the world's 100 most influential gay people in 2009.
Azar knew he was different from a very young age and learned how to hide it
Azar formally came out of the closet at 24 years old, but he knew he was gay ever since he was a young boy.
He had been confused and experimented primarily with trying on his mother’s clothes. Ultimately, he found it wasn’t his thing, but he still felt different.
“I felt that I’m not like other boys,” Azar said. Back then, you couldn’t go on the Internet to find out if anyone else was feeling like you. “When I was younger there was no way to understand what you have...today it’s so easy to write ‘I think I’m gay’ or ‘I’m attracted to boys. What does that mean?’”
Azar asked the audience to try to imagine how it feels to not be understood “so deeply” by anyone.
Along with his feelings of confusion and curiosity, Azar says a clear sign he was gay was his choice in television shows, namely Dynasty and Beverly Hills, 90210. “Can you get more gay than that?” Azar joked.
Still, he didn’t really know what gay meant or what to call it; his family didn’t even know he was gay despite the fact that he used to talk like a girl and dress somewhat feminine as a kid, Azar said. He eventually decided he would only wear black, blue and grey to evoke more masculinity.
Azar decided he would ‘be in the closet forever’ when he got older because of his parents
Growing up, Azar found solace in relating to gay TV characters like the football player who rejected Kelly as a girlfriend on Beverly Hills, 90210, but he had to hide any outward expression of it because of his family.
It was his parents’ reactions, mostly his father’s, to homosexuality that made Azar want to stay in the closet forever, happily marry a woman and ultimately die in the closet. But in the back of his mind he had a dream-like plan: after the army at 22, he would move to the United States, find a boyfriend and disappear to his family.
Post-Israeli army Azar, 22, has his first gay, embarrassing experience in the U.S.
Just like he had dreamed, Azar finished the army and traveled to the U.S. Though he didn’t find a boyfriend, he did find something that would similarly assimilate him into the gay world: his first gay, sexual experience.
“Wait, let me take off my jacket. It’s gonna be weird. It’s gonna embarrass some of you,” he said.
Most people would fear for their life upon joining the military, but Azar’s biggest fear was showering with other men. During his four years serving in Israel’s military police, he avoided the other men and showers, going to the empty section like a robot. “What a stupid fear,” he recalled.
His complete dissociation with being gay during his time in the army led him to the utmost of curiosity when he finally trekked to the U.S., specifically New York City. He set out a mission to go to the first gay club that he could find in a Google-less era.
He recognized a building’s rainbow flag outside and decided to go in after 30 minutes of waiting outside nervously. But it wasn’t a gay club: it was a sex store. Azar couldn’t even finish the story without constantly reminding the audience how embarrassed he was.
“It’s important you will know this story. It’s gonna change your life...no it’s not. It’s just plain gossip,” he joked.
After 22 years of suppressing his sexuality, Azar had gotten a piece of what he wanted, or at least he thought. After sitting down at a booth, looking down to see a small hole in the wall and seeing “something pop out,” he immediately ran away. It was an embarrassing, and ultimately unfulfilled, first gay experience.
Azar informs the audience about the Israeli gay experience and politics today
It’s easy to be a gay person in the central part and big cities of Israel, Azar said. Gay people have a fairly easy time integrating into society, but there still exists struggles coming from religious sects like his Yemenite father.
“It’s a very weird experience to come out,” he said, “like a car accident.” Israel has a strong gay male scene, almost Mafia-like, Azar added, but the other members of the LGBT community like lesbians have less of a presence.
Gay people cannot get married in Israel, unlike the U.S., which Azar explained he thought would never happen. The country does recognize gay marriages from outside countries, though. Still, Israeli gays still face struggles with surrogacy.
Though he noted it’s not an easy time for “us in Israel” right now due to the Palestinian-Israeli conflict, he wishes the two sides could see past their differences.
“It can be beautiful if Jewish organizations try to work together with Palestinian ones...we can get along,” Azar said.
Yigal Dozier, a graduate student at UMD, was surprised to hear of such a comfortable first-hand experience of being a gay person in Israel.
Julia Ring, the president of UMD’s Jewish Student Union and senior English and secondary education major, decided to bring Azar to campus because of his broad appeal.
“He is a professional performer, so we knew he would be a great speaker,” Ring said. Her favorite part of the event was how comfortable Azar was with the audience and topics.
“I loved that he casually sat on the edge of the stage and made conversation with the audience...he really knows how to work a crowd,” Ring said.
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